Innocence behind the devils eyes
by desperate-soul
Summary: Ginny has to make a choice between doing what's right and her heart. (angst, cutting, suicide.. some other nasty stuff including sex!)
1. Lost One

A/n: hey everyone! This is my first story! I hope you like it. Any comments/reviews will be appreciated especially constructive ones!   
  
***  
  
Though it was early in the morning, the sun was already burning hot on Professor Dumbledore's cloaked back. He wandered through the grounds of Hogwarts humming merrily while Fawkes soared above him, ducking in and out of trees.   
  
Dumbledore smiled happily; Though he loved all of his students (well…Some less than others), Hogwarts was so much more peaceful and pleasant without them. One student's face however kept creeping into his mind whenever he began to relax; Harry Potter wasn't taking his godfathers death very well at all. He had shut himself in his room at Privet Drive, refusing to eat and to sleep. He would just weep over Sirius' belongings; his old letters, photos, anything that reminded Harry of those precious moments in which he finally had a family.   
  
Dumbledore sighed heavily, adjusting his spectacles as he walked back towards the castle. "It should be an interesting year to say the least." Dumbledore muttered to himself before opening the heavy oak doors with a spell and stepping inside.  
  
* That Night *   
  
Ginny stared anxiously at the front door of Number Twelve Grimmauld place. The old house had been her home for the past 3 weeks of holidays, and it was slowly beginning to feel like a prison. The hallway was silent. She, Hermione and Ron were nervously awaiting Harry's arrival. It would be the first time they had seen him since departing from the train station at the end of term. They had taken Sirius' death hard as well, but no where near the extent at which Harry had. His letters became steadily more depressing, and sometimes suicidal. They would definitely feel more at ease once he was back in their company.   
  
Ginny's head snapped to attention as the door handle turned and the door flung open. Four figures shuffled in; three were members of The Order, and one was no other than Harry Potter himself. Ginny's mouth fell open as she took in Harry's appearance. His black hair was longer and messier than before, hanging just above his shoulders. His green eyes where lined heavily with eye makeup and his once rosy lips covered in black lipstick.   
  
His skin had been pale before but that was nothing compared to now; it look almost transparent. Ginny wasn't sure whether it was his poor health or makeup but it didn't look natural. Clasped around his neck was a spiked dog collar. The spikes protruded ten centimetres from the black leather that held them in place. Harry was completely clad in black. His trench coat touched the top of his huge black boots within which he had tucked his ripped pants. His dangling shirt bore across the chest in big red letters the word 'KORN'.   
  
"Harry…You look different." Hermione said before rushing forward and hugging him tightly, carefully avoiding the spikes. Harry buried his head in her bushy hair and began sobbing uncontrollably. Ginny and Ron looked at each other uncomfortably, not sure what to do. Before anything else was said Mrs Weasley rushed forward and relieved Hermione of the distraught boy, holding him in a mother-like embrace.   
  
"Come on Harry dear, you're safe with us now. How about we get you upstairs and into bed, hmmm? I'm sure it's been a long trip." Mrs Weasley coaxed him upstairs and when the trio downstairs were sure they were out of earshot, Ginny turned to the others and said in a hushed voice; "He's completely lost it. I don't know what's going to happen when school comes around. He can't go bursting into tears all over Hogwarts."   
  
"Ginny don't be so tough on him. It's just because he's back here. It must be hard for him. We'll just have to be here for him." Hermione said before turning and walking towards the kitchen, followed by Ron. Ginny stood in the hallway alone, tears running over the brims of her eyes. Couldn't they see that if the Great Harry Potter wasn't okay, then none of them could be?   
  
***  
  
(A/n I know it is rather short but I didn't want to rush into the next bit. It will take some planning. I love Korn by the way. If those of you reading this don't, please keep your comments about the band to yourself, you're here to judge the story, not my choice in music. Thanks ladies and gents) Love you all muchlies. 


	2. Not the only one

A/N  
  
There's alot of angst in this chappie, refrences to cutting and such. If you don't like these types of things don't read this story at all, it will be full of it, also thanks to my beta Sarah! Your such a help angel!  
  
Ginny's insomnia was becoming intolerable. Night after night she would lie in her bed and every time she closed her eyes the darkness would encircle her, sending her into a panic. Suddenly Ginny, once fearless in most situations, was terrified of the dark. Tonight was no different. The lamp at her bedside remained alight, its cheerful glow comforting Ginny as she sat in her bed and thought of Harry.  
  
The way his eyes looked when had arrived haunted her. The emerald green had dulled. They looked sad and aged, possessing none of the youthful mischief and joy they were once filled with. Ever since the whole house at Grimmauld Place had been brought up to standards fit for humans, they no longer needed to share bedrooms. Although Ron and Harry stayed in the same room so Ron could keep Harry company, Hermione and Ginny had split. Ginny thought longingly of the nights they stayed up all night discussing their views on the world.  
  
Ginny knew she was in awe of Hermione and didn't mind it one bit. The older girl's mind was one of the most incredible Ginny had ever experienced, rivalled only by Dumbledore's. Ginny was afraid to admit it but she had been harvesting a crush on Hermione almost as long as Ron had been. She knew she wasn't a lesbian. Nothing would come of this childish school girl crush, and though the feelings were light and fun, she knew she could never tell anyone.   
  
Girls in Ginny's year had last year confided to her dorm mates that they where bi or lesbian and Ginny had seen how the girls had been so kind and reassuring to their faces, but behind their backs it had been a totally different story. "I can't share a dorm with her! What if she tries to touch me or rape me or something?" One of the more narrow minded girls squealed in the bathrooms one day, a look of utter disgust plastered across her face.   
  
No…Ginny didn't need the added pressure. Ginny's heart skipped a beat as a long loud creak erupted, puncturing the silence of the night. One thing that didn't help Ginny's fear was the noises this old house created during the night, as though suddenly deciding things were too quiet.   
  
Snuggling further down into her bed, Ginny's mind wandered to her return to Hogwarts. She knew it sounded cliché, but Hogwarts was like her second home. Since Fred and George had flown out of the picture (literally), Ginny was one of the top pranksters in the year. The supplies Fred and George had left for her almost filled her whole wardrobe at Hogwarts, leaving limited space for her robes.   
  
"Ginny, Are you still awake?" Ginny started and looked over to the doorway. There was Harry, clad now in pyjamas but still with the makeup on which had begun to run slightly.  
  
"Yeah! Come in." Ginny sat up and gestured to the end of her bed. Harry smiled gratefully and sat down.   
  
"Couldn't sleep either?" Ginny asked, smiling kindly.  
  
"Nuh. I don't like being back here Gin. I mean I love the fact I am here with you guys, but it feels so wrong to be here without Sirius." Harry tried to smile to hide the fresh tears that had welled up in his eyes but failed.   
  
Trickling down his cheek and tangling in his black mess of hair, Ginny wondered how many more tears Harry would cry before he laughed again. How many days it would be before Sirius's death didn't continuously replay in his mind. Ginny reached out a hand and grabbed Harry's; running her fingers over the fleecy sleeve of his night shirt. Ginny watched Harry's facial expressions change from emotional pain to physical pain.   
  
"Harry, what's wrong?" Ginny asked grabbing his arm. Harry winced in pain and Ginny lifted his sleeve. Up and down his arm cuts littered his beautiful porcelain skin. Ginny's eyes wandered over the tragically beautiful piece of artwork in front of her that had been painted out of pure pain.  
  
"The only time I don't see his face in my mind or hear his voice is when I cut." Harry stated dully. Looking at his arms and then back up to Ginny almost begging her to understand.  
  
"Harry…you've really lost it. You're purposely hurting yourself, what is wrong with you? If you're feeling this bad you should have told us sooner. We would've found a way to come and get you."  
  
"And then what? What would happen then? I would be dragged back here, a place full to the brim with memories of Sirius."  
  
"Damn it Harry, you're not the only one hurting because he's gone! I loved him to, he was like another family member. He effected all of us but he is gone and you are still alive. You're still living, and breathing and standing right here. We can't lose you too. We all love you too much." Ginny glared at Harry almost daring him to answer her back. All he did was lean over and hug her. He hugged her tightly to his body, afraid to let go. Ginny sighed into his neck and rested her forehead on his shoulder.   
  
"Go to bed Harry, get some sleep okay?" Ginny smiled and pushed Harry off her. He returned the smile reluctantly and stumbled out of Ginny's room and into the hall way. Ginny fell back onto her pillows, suddenly exhausted.  
  
~*~*~(~(~*~*~&~&~  
  
  
  
Ginny stood before two tables, on one lay a dagger; the silver blade smooth and shiny. On the other, a crystal heart; small and fragile. Easily broken. Ginny fingered the heart, its cool smooth surface sending shivers up her spine. Unsure of what was expected of her Ginny picked up the blade. It felt good in her hands. It made her feel powerful. Its silver blade almost begged to be washed in the blood of the enemy. Ginny stupidly ran a finger over the edge of the blade and it sunk deeply into her finger. Crimson tears leaked out of the cut and Ginny squeaked in pain.  
  
Ginny woke with a start and looked around. The blade was gone. The heart had disappeared.   
  
A dream… it didn't seem like a dream. Ginny looked down at her bed, at the blood stained sheets. At her bleeding hand. 


	3. Not so nice

As the time for her to depart from Grimmauld place drew shorter, Ginny became excited. Images of Hogwarts' vast grounds, winding corridors, sweeping staircases and comfortable dormitories constantly floated into Ginny's mind, filling her with longing.   
  
Her days at Grimmauld place steadily became less and less eventful. The only thing that had begun to change was Harry. Though he was still clad in black and hardly ever seen without his spikes, he had begun to open up more and share his feelings about the loss of Sirius. On their last night at Grimmauld Place, Harry had surprised everyone by standing up before dinner was served and making a toast.  
  
"Hard times have passed, and even harder times are coming. What has happened and what will continue to take place, in my opinion, is absolute bullshit. To be honest there were times since Sirius died that I thought of killing myself. But then images of what the future could hold came to me; of the love I still have and can still give; of the people I would be leaving behind. One thing I can promise you is that while there is still a breath left in my body I will fight and I know I will have you all by my side. I have been so selfish lately; blinded by my own grief or whatever; I was unable to see that others around me have also been in great amounts of pain.  
  
At this stage in his speech Harry turned to Remus, who smiled back weakly.  
  
"To Sirius Black, the good, the bad, and the ridiculousness that was his life."  
  
"To Sirius," they all echoed.   
  
Dinner was a noisy occasion, but through it all Ginny only noticed one person. Remus Lupin didn't pile his plate high with Mrs Weasleys' delicious cooking. He didn't join in the general babbled conversation. His tear stained face stared down at his hand, which shook slightly. Ginny's heart and soul went out to him. He was alone for the first time in his life. Not truly alone but more alone then he ever had been before. One of his best friends, murdered by anothers' jealousy and insecurities, and now…now losing Sirius. Through his grey eyes Ginny could see his world was crashing down around him and that he was helpless to stop it…  
  
~%^&*&%%^~~~^^&**&^%%%^$#  
  
When you were here before  
  
Couldn't look you in the eye  
  
You're just like an angel  
  
Your skin makes me cry  
  
You float like a feather  
  
In a beautiful world  
  
I wish I was special  
  
You're so fucking special  
  
Ginny closed her eyes and lost herself in the slow bitter sweet tune that poured through the muggle disc-man. It was the first time since dawn she had been able to sit down and relax. Since she had woken up to Hermiones' voice urging her to get up it had been go, go, go. Attempting to gather all her school things and push them into the ever shrinking space her trunk seemed to provide was an almost impossible feat. Ginny melted into her mind, leaving the outside world to rot in hell, but only moments later was dragged from her haven kicking and screaming by the slamming of her carriage door.   
  
"Ginny, Ginny! Ginny!" someone far away was shaking her, calling her back to reality.  
  
"Ginny… Ginny!"  
  
"What!? For gods' sake! What do you want?!" Ginny's eyes sprung open and Hermiones' anxious face swum into view.  
  
"Ron and Harry have finally done it… Malfoy finally pushed the wrong button!"  
  
"Huh? What are you on about Hermione?"  
  
"Draco said something about Sirius and… Well... Harry beat the shit out of him. And when Crabbe and Goyle tried to stop him… Ron jumped in. They did alright for a while but… oh you should see it, Ginny! Ron's front teeth were knocked out and Harry's face was cut up by Dracos' ring! There was so much blood, Gin!"  
  
Before she had finished Ginny was up and sprinting up to the front of the carriage.  
  
"Ginny there's no point, they've been taken to the front of the train… they wouldn't even let me in…"  
  
"Fucking Malfoy!" Ginny screamed.  
  
"You'd better watch your mouth, Weasel Trash." Pansy Parkinson had appeared from the carriage Ginny was standing in front of and shoved her hard.  
  
"Well at least you don't have to watch yours, eh? Considering it's permanently placed against the royal Malfoy ass." Ginny sneered, re-gaining her footing.   
  
Pansy Parkinson walked forward, her face contorted dangerously. "At least at the end of the year, my friends and family won't be a mere memory. You, and your trashy do-gooder group are all going to be destroyed. Can't you see that? Or are you blinded by that ridiculous Gryffindor pride, just like that Sirius? The dark lord will win... You will all die! And I will have the pleasure of killing you."  
  
Parkinsons' eyes danced mysteriously as the horrible thoughts of murder flooded through her mind. Suddenly, something hard collided with her face making it sting and bringing tears to her eyes.  
  
"You fucking bitch!" Ginny screamed slapping her again and pushing her to the ground, landing blows repeatedly to her head and stomach.  
  
"Ginny Weasley! Get off her!" Ginny was dragged kicking and screaming off Pansy, whose face was bright red and bleeding from Ginny's physical attack.  
  
Ginny whipped around to face the person that had dragged her off and found herself face to face with Professor McGonagall.  
  
"Professor! What are you doing here?" Ginny blurted out accusingly.  
  
"That's none of your business, girl! Now the two of you can follow me! I've had enough of this fighting!"  
  
Ginny and Pansy followed McGonagall solemnly. They walked to the very front of the train and stepped into the first compartment which from the outside, looked like a normal compartment, but within lay an exact replica of Professor McGonagalls' office. Stepping inside, Ginny was met with Ron and Harrys' shocked (and badly injured) faces, along with Draco Malfoy and his cronies.   
  
Ginny almost burst out laughing at the sight of Malfoy, his once pure white skin was bruised a deep purpley-black colour in places, streaks of red flowing out the corner of his mouth.   
  
"Fuckwit," Ginny mouthed at Draco, who just smirked and winked in reply, causing a fresh flow of rage to wash over her.  
  
"There is a war going on between our respective sides. I DO NOT! Want this war brought into the grounds of Hogwarts! It is a place of learning not fighting, not killing, not a place one takes out personal vendetta's on one another! Two fights already and we haven't even arrived at Hogwarts! This is not acceptable." Ginny slowly zoned out to what Professor McGonagall was saying and before she stopped herself she let her eyes wonder over to Draco, who also looked as though his mind was elsewhere.   
  
~Fucking Draco. If it wasn't for him I would be back in the carriage enjoying myself instead of here listening to this wind bag take her menstrual cycles out on us.~ Ginny thought to herself.   
  
The lecture seemed has though it would be endless. Sentences seemed to flow out of her mouth, time didn't seem an issue; it merely built up her momentum and after what felt like days she finally glanced at the oddly shaped clock on the wall and came to a complete stop.  
  
"Oh dear, it seems I lost track of time. Now I'm sure you were listening, you all have a weeks' worth of detention. Don't look at me like that Harry, you know you deserve it. Now hurry down to the great hall before I raise it to two weeks!" and with that the professor turned her back on the students and sighed loudly. Ginny was the first to the door and when she opened it she gasped loudly. In front of her was the wide spacious hall that lead to the Professors' office, moonlight dancing off the walls. So the replica of the professors office wasn't a replica at all.  
  
Ron shook his head, the almost toothless grin on his face sending Hermione into fits of laughter.  
  
"Right, well it's off to the hospital wing for me, fare thee well ladies." Ron said grabbing Harrys' shoulder and steering him forward.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
A/N   
  
Yay!!! Another chapter done and this one is pretty long by my standards, i know its taken a month but i've had things on my mind. Thank you Miss Beta for again making my story readable. Love you all :D 


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